Movie Review: As I Am (2020)
Anthony Bawn’s As I Am (2020) is a haunting portrait of a man wrestling with the weight of his past and the fear of what his reflection might reveal. It’s a story that sits at the crossroads of LGBTQ+ drama and romance, but its true power lies in its unflinching exploration of memory, regret, and identity.
At its core is August Chandler (Andre Myers), once celebrated for his athletic talent, now teetering on the edge of emotional collapse. A young man who has long run from the truth of his childhood, August returns to confront the shadows of his past in hopes of correcting old mistakes. Yet what he discovers is more than a reckoning with others—it’s the unearthing of a side of himself he has long suppressed.
Haunted by warped ideals of love and the damage his choices have caused, August faces what Bawn frames as a metaphorical mirror: a painful, unrelenting reflection of his actions and the people who have borne the brunt of them. Denial gradually gives way to realisation, forcing him into the most difficult confrontation of all—the one with himself.
The ensemble cast—Judeline Charles, Rashad Davis, Bradon Moten, Devion Andrez Coleman, and Dre Matthews—provides grounding and authenticity, their performances amplifying the consequences of August’s spiralling choices. Their presence makes clear that personal collapse is never private; it reverberates outward, leaving scars in its wake.
Bawn’s direction leans into stillness and silence, capturing the unease of moments where truth hovers unspoken. The film asks whether a man defined by mistakes can genuinely change, or whether redemption is only ever an illusion we chase.
Ultimately, As I Am is a stirring, sometimes unsettling journey into the complexities of love, responsibility, and self-forgiveness. It challenges not only August to face his reflection, but invites the audience to consider the parts of themselves they, too, may have long suppressed.
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